The Fog Has Lifted

Amazing what difference a day brings.

Yesterday felt so dark, so raw, so fucking real. One of those days where you're not quite sure why or who or what or when. And today feels so good, so good. Not fake, smiling when I feel like screaming good. No, real good. Genuine, I'm happy to face the day good.

And I didn't even rely on my list of what I thought I needed. Here's what helped.

I napped with my baby. I tucked myself into bed, next to my darling boy. We sunk into this perfect mixture of sleeping and nursing. I woke a few hours later, feeling amazingly refreshed rather than groggy and grumpy.

I opened up to how I was feeling. I didn't hide my mood from anyone; I fucking wrote a blog post on it. While that may feel icky and awkward and embarrassing to some, it wasn't for me. Knowing that others feel those same feelings feels reassuring and gives me the promise of a better tomorrow.

I came to a realization. I need to talk with the person I love most in this world. Not talking is easy and lets me stay in my own fucking head rather than address my issues and problems. But that just leads to feeling sad and lonely, and I don't like that. So I'm going to try and actually talk...and listen.

I took a walk. It wasn't exactly a ball buster of a routine, but it felt good to leave the house, plugged into my headphones, without anyone else. I found myself walking by our corner coffee shop and walked right on by; a cafe mocha was calling my name but I didn't need it to fill the empty space. And that felt good to push through that craving and rely on my own endorphins instead.

I have great support. I'm not alone and just knowing that makes me feel good. I have an amazing partner, loving friends and supportive family. It's a huge fucking deal to have loving support and I'm so blessed to have it. I also know where to turn if the world is feeling too fucking overwhelming and I can't handle it on my own. Good stuff.