Mother's DAY?!

Yesterday I celebrated Mother's Day with my children and husband. And I have to admit, while I received some extra kisses and a fabulous gift, I didn't necessarily feel like it was much different than any other day. 

What?! 

The whole notion that on this one day, moms gets to sleep in, eat breakfast in bed, leave the dishes to someone else, is whack. 

One day?! That's it?! 

Not for me, thank you very much. I'm past the feelings of guilt and shame that I'm not the cheery homemaker. My partner has always been involved in our daily must-do list. Grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, bill-paying, he does it all. When he's not directly involved in caring for our children or animals, he's managing our home and providing for our  needs. My mother has commented how lucky I am at how hands-on my husband is with our children and in our home. 

Lucky?! 

No, ma'am. I'm not lucky. I just knew that I was not meant to live a life caring for another person in a way that left me feeling empty, drained and burdened. 

This is not to say I don't take pride in caring for my husband, our children, our home. I do enjoy the work I do in our home and with our family. It's just that the household tasks don't rest SOLELY on my shoulders. 

I'm regularly the one to organize and sort our clothes at each change of size or season. I'm the one that deep cleans the kids' room and rotates their toys, books, and crafts. I tend to handle our social calendar, planning activities and outings. This is not to say my partner wouldn't DO these things, but we've worked out this balance that feels doable, at least during these years of parenting little ones. 

I used to cook more, clean more, do more around the home. And then we had a baby. And then another. And then another. So my time is focused more on their basic needs and their wants. And that's okay. It's okay that I've shifted my time away from cooking dinner and washing dishes because I'm doing what I can with what I have. I'm feeding my baby. I'm volunteering in my older son's classroom. I'm remembering it's Teacher Appreciation Week and making cards for their teachers with them. 

So when Mother's Day rolled around, I felt slightly annoyed that apparently it's the one day of the year that mothers have permission to NOT DO everything they're expected to do.

If my partner communicated to me that he needed me to to DO MORE on a daily basis, then we'd have a conversation how I could support his request. But if he were to come to me and demand that I BE MORE, I'd really have to press pause and figure out what and why and how that request developed. Was it because I really wasn't contributing to our family's well-being? Was I neglecting my share of the work that needs to happen just to keep our family and home functioning? Was my partner needing something from me so he could focus on his own personal needs and wants? 

There's no right or wrong in any of that, and sometimes we need to step up and BE MORE and DO MORE because we love that other person and we WANT to BE BETTER and DO BETTER. But I also believe we have to really consider whether we're somehow sacrificing a part of what we believe and what feels innately right when we're living this life that just doesn't meet our own needs. 

Yes, I'm blessed to have my partner and children, and Mother's Day was a fabulous day for me. I can't imagine my life without my created family, and I will always take great pride in them and our lives. 

And I will always celebrate my role as mother every. single. day.