My yoga class.

What goes through my head during my yoga class:

My yoga instructor doesn't seem too limber. and you are?

I smell pot; I think it's the woman two mats down. she's probably stoned.

My mat smells kind of good...what is that smell? it smells like BloomingFoods.

I think I can see up that man's shorts. you sound like a pervert.

Why is she walking in late? maybe she has a great reason. 

Wait...you forgot to let that woman introduce herself...oh, no you didn't. Good job. let her teach.

My legs look fat. they are.

My boobs look good in downward dog. thanks to breastfeeding, thank you very much.

I'm hungry. class is only an hour. chill out. 

I wonder how my baby is doing in childcare. he's fine.

I should go get my baby; he probably needs me. he's fine.

Why can't the instructor stop talking? She talks too much. she sounds better than you dipshit.

My thighs are sore. from walking yesterday? you're so weak.

She's taught for +20 years? No shit. stop judging.

I'm thirsty. uh, you brought water. drink it.

I have to fart. Fuck. wriggle around and see if that alleviates the problem.

What if my pants have a hole in the crotch? shut up.

I'm better than everyone else in this room. no, you're not.

There's a light flickering. focus.

I love yoga; why don't I do this more often? because you're lazy.

I bet my baby is crying for me. he's fine.

I miss my baby. yes, that's okay.

Oh, he smiled so sweetly at me earlier today. He's such a lovely baby. he is cute.

Am I leaking breastmilk? Shit. why didn't you put nursing pads in?

Why didn't I put nursing pads in? dumb-dumb.

I wonder when I'll get my period. probably sometime in the next 45 minutes.

Someone's breathing loudly. that's you.

My pits stink. how can you forget deodorant? 

When is this class over...I'm bored. shut up.

What would my FB status be right now? it'd be "shut the fuck up and focus."

I wish my stomach was flatter. yeah, you just had a baby 3 months ago. be kind to yourself.

What smells like pee...is that me? yes.

I'm so gross. yes, you are.

I disgust myself. focus.

I want some chocolate covered almonds. those are so good. 

My arms are shaking in this pose...I wish I was stronger. push yourself and focus.

I have to remember to write another blog entry. is this yoga related? no?  focus on your practice. 

I can't wait to watch The Bachelor... I wonder who Sean will send home. hopefully not AshLee.

I want to be more flexible. okay, so focus right now.

I bet that couple has tantric sex. get your mind out of the gutter and  focus.