Making friends as a young child is all about the playground and playdates and laughter. If someone takes your toy, your parent steps in or you move on to another toy or you burst into tears and someone rescues you. You're not solely responsible to manage your every need and that feels good, right? Someone will have your back and make sure that you're okay.
But then you get older and you're not so cute and your guardians see you as being more responsible and capable and grow the fuck up. You have your own opinions and you let everyone know what's what. But the issue is when you're figuring out who you are there is just no consistency in your response to what happens in your day to day. And that's hard.
And then one day you're officially an adult and it is real. You're challenged and learning and just trying to make it. And it hits you- you're the only thing you have control over. You can't control anyone's responses and you only own your own stuff. What a trip! And what a responsibility that is.
I work to see the people in my life for the good and the hard and the challenging. I have my own past and the shit that I have to work on and the stuff that makes me cry. And I trust that the people I love will love me back and be patient with me. I no longer strive for perfection and I'm happy to just be me, flaws and all.
My children look to me as an example and I only hope that I can teach them to love and support and know themselves well enough to be happy in their lives. I don't need my children to be great all the time, though sometimes it seems that I do. In letting my children learn to solve their problems I'm giving them the chance to find their voice. And it's hard and I hate seeing them struggle. But this is their story and their path. I can't live it nor do I want to live it. I want them to be ready to take up the journey when it's time.
I'll be there for them and I will love them always.
